she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
