You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
