i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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