im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
