Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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