i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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