If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
