Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
