alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
