Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
