K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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