once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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