I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
