guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
