Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
