I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
