I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
