out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you didnt know i had herpes?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
