She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
