If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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