after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
