I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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