She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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