I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
