Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
