i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
