You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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