nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He better not be in your backpack
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
