YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
