I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
