wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
