dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
