dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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