didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
