just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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