I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
