I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
