Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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