It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I will die if light touches me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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