I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
