9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
