i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
