Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
