I don't think brook has ever known best
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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