So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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