i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
