part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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