Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
