dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
