She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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