i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
