i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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