I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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