Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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