yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
