Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
